aug 20 - feel sucky.
work front: not good. i'm bored. and then i'm jealous, because my friend who is my manager, she knows a lot more than me and she is wayyyy better than me and she totally deserves her job. why do i suck? i have a choice. why do i choose the being sucky path? yoda is not pleased.
crazy colleague: today she got her dues. but i'm not satisfied. i do not know why. why do i want her to suffer so much? i think its because, it has nothing to do with me. i want it to have something to do with me. i want to be on it. but i'm not. if that even makes sense. i am full of hatred.
i am also full of disdain. i disdain people who talk about their blogs all the time. i'm all, hum, excuse me? your blog is so not great. at all. and sometimes your english sucks. and yet you laugh at other people whom you think their english sucked. but being like this, i am no better. and so i am in a quandary. while still being in disdain. which leads to my heart turning black. which is, seriously, could not be good for me. so in the end who is wrecked? it is i, the wrecked. no one else, just me.
i sent out a couple of resumes and i didn't get call back once. so that made me feel sucky too, because, wait, am i not good enough for the market out there? great! just great. just... not that great. actually. sigh.
i am desperately looking for my take that cd. i have no idea where it went. i want it so, so bad. i keep singing mark's song, the one about being away to be a soldier and then coming back to discover that he has a son, that one. i want it! right now! where art thou gone! but then i found a bunch of old cassettes so that made me feel a little happy. and then i cried listening to toni braxton's how could an angel break my heart on diana's tribute.
feel sucky. goombye.