dec 14 - just discovered that duncan idaho was actually a pervert.
from http://pamie.com/2011/12/hey-pamie-is-it-okay-that-im-a-blogger/:
Because here�s the secret I wish someone had told me back when I would get apologetic for being a �web diarist� or an �online journaller� or a �crazy person who writes about herself on the internet�: when you�re really liking what you�re writing, and you�re having fun doing it? That�s probably because you�ve found your voice. You�ve found your connection with the words and the stories.
this is exactly why i kept churning out entries on diaryland a few years back: i liked what i wrote. i enjoyed every single thought process that went into creating a post. i enjoyed my brain, my sense of humor, my massive imagination, my ability to take an idea and mold it into something new and hilarious(at least to me). back then i was really "writing" to entertain myself. and i was good. i was seriously good. i literally had goosebumps after publishing some entries. i felt good for the rest of the day. i replayed what i had composed many times in my head afterwards, and it always made me smile.
so that was what i had. i didn't know how to put it in words, but that was exactly it. i found my voice.
i have since lost it though, and the good feelings after composing something is far and in between now. it did feel like i got robbed of my muse, i have no idea where it went. maybe we broke up without me realising it. maybe it thought i didn't love it enough.(isn't it nice how i called it, 'it' and not he or she? it didn't feel like a he or a she heee)(maybe it was a ...ghola)
i'm proud i was that person once a upon a time. that person may not have been happy with a lot of things, but i remember she was the happiest after a stellar(at least to her) post.
about the title: i found this:
After that, a similar process was used to reawaken pre-ghola memories, whereby the ghola would be forced to experience some kind of psychological trauma to force the memories to the surface. This process continued until Miles Teg's pre-ghola memories were awakened by Sheeana with sexual imprinting techniques, at the suggestion of Duncan Idaho, who didn't like the original method.
URGH IDAHO URGHHHH(i'm a prude!)