april 03 - guhk
hello.
i'm almost 33 years old. unbelievable, really. most times i feel 23 because i'm still lost and have no idea what i'm doing 95% of the time. sometimes it feels like life is a mess, sometimes i remember thank God i'm alive.
i'm not thin. i wear XL or size 14. one time i saw someone mentioned size 14 is XXL. i was resentful of that. untungla badan kecik saiz XS pun muat. tapi takyah la panggil saiz 14 xxl.
because of the above pants that are in the market these days are weird pants. they are either leggings or skinny jeans, or tapered pants. i thought i'd be ok with tapered pants. apparently tapered pants means pants that are balloons on the hips and very slim towards the ankle. i might be built "weirdly" or "uniquely" however you might see it, but these new-fangled type of pants that are ubiquitous these days? they are not for me. why are pants so weird these days?
i have become the person that won't reach for jeans as go-to bottoms anymore; it's more for skirts or ... weird, i know, but so comfy: work pants. work pants! lols. but it's true.
they fit true.
i still don't have a "young man" in my life. of course, i am not young anymore. perhaps that is why.
i have this storyline that i go back to and tweak all the time. it's the one about that girl emily knight who has a crush on her bestfriend's brother ash redfern(for a moment i was like... red ashfern? haha! red ashfern is probably fern redhead ASH REDFERN'S loser self in a parallel dimension) and one day he asked her to marry him. BEST LOVE STORY EVER I LOVE THIS ONE i just gave her a middle name. it's adele. emily adele knight. (i think in another version her name is emma woods).
zati is getting married in a month's time but she doesn't look like she's ready to be married so naturally i am concerned but this concern i only stick it within myself and pray that it is the right decision and everything will be ok. after all, God is the Greatest planner of all. i don't know anything.
my dad enrolled me in a "list of spinster and spinster-dude masjid program". what do you call an aged bachelor? ha. an aged bachelor.
i love aminals and more worried about them than i do with humankind. weird, i know. i try not to show this too much. people already think i'm a freak.
i am enjoying android kareninna, there is something funny and familiar and comforting about cold russians having automatons as familiars. i like the technical terms popping up. imagining them waltzing on puffs and jets of air, hilarious. as usual i flipped to the back. ANNA WAS FROM THE FUTURE SENT TO KILL HER HUSBAND omg so delicious. so i like this a lot.
another theory is i am a technical nerd and not so much of a fantasy nerd, which is why automatons > sea monsters > zombies. zombies is at the bottom pool, actually. hate zombies. can't stand them.
sometimes i roll my eyes at the family/style/ootd/wiwt/food posts on instagram. seriously? guhk.
final one: i saw parenthood last night and LORELEI BROKE UP WITH HER CUTE TEACHER BOYFRIEND OVER RAY ROMANO? un. believe. able.