september 20 - i hope
there is one online person writing... online that i used to read that to me, she has "i'm thin" face. she has a face that looks like she's a slim person, but whenever i see the rest of her body i'm always a little bit surprised. she's not thin. she has quite the standard big sized american body. she's pretty! she is very pretty. but just... she has a thin face. her face is thin but she's kind of not.
now i'm thinking, maybe i'm a little like her. i don't know if this is true, but i think i have a thin face but my body is fat. the fact is in my head i am slimmer than i really am. i'm always surprised when i look in the mirror and realised gourd i am so fat. or when i take that shirt off the rack (appropriately sized, of course, i'm not delusional)(always XL or UK14) it fits, but look at what size you are. and look at yourself sideways. gourd. you're fat.
i'm always down and miserable when i accompany my office friends window shopping. they are both sized XS, and one of them takes one look at the things she likes and simply picks them up to purchase. you're so damn lucky, i thought. if i was your size i'd buy everything i like too.
this could be remedied. i just need to be stronger. i have a plan. i've been having a plan for more than a year. the plan never took off, is all. damn you gourdamn self-sabotaging.
i found these links today:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2375766/Actress-Bianca-Lawson-played-role-17-year-old-17-years.html
that is amazing. bianca lawson, how do you do it? i was expecting an explanation, something like "she works out every day and only eats fruit and vegetables". i was thinking i should take care of myself more. i DON'T look like a teenager at all.
and also:
http://sodelushious.com/2013/09/19/oh-hi/
okay, chrissy. because you said it. because it doesn't come without hard work. you said it. i'm gonna do it.
also because end of november we will be going on a 20km of hard trek, overseas and the people i'm going with are seasoned runners. they run 5,10,12,21 kms on regular basis. i climb 7 flight of stairs and feel like dying for the next 10 minutes.
my mission is to get some excercise before that so that i don't come close to dying 5kms into the trail and burden people.
let's do this.