15th september - look back
movies that i watched and felt anxious doing so because my nerves are so frayed and fragile
i have been in high strung mode for sometime (A LONG TIME). i have not actually been sleeping in my bed. i sleep on the couch 80% of nighttime. not sure if this means anything but, yeah. and the cats constantly wake me up.
this boggles me. inside the house they need me to do things but outside? they eat outside food, they run away from me, they can stay out all day and NARY A NEED FROM HUMANS. cats are defo weird.
anyways, i saw avengers the age of ultron the other day and oh my. the setting was anxious from the get go. it's a fictional movie. no one is real. nothing like that is going to happen in real life. and yet, i was on the edge of my chair. ULTRON WAS SO BAD. I WAS SCARED FOR THAT GUY WITH ARROWS BECAUSE HE HAS KIDS AND A BABY ON THE WAY AND WHAT IF HE DIES????
the second movie i saw and i actually got into it halfway was the martian. the one with... matt damon? (one of the wahlbergs?) anyway, the part when they actually performed the rescue mission i couldn't do it. i couldn't watch it. i cannot stand the what ifs. what if the intersect failed. what if they couldn't do it in time. it was a movie. it should have a happy ending. but i cannot.
my nerves are that frayed.
i need to relax. but i... am i not relaxed? i sleep a lot. it seems that whenever i go to sleep i fall into a deep sleep.
i'm not doing half the things i should be doing. so what am i doing?
am i not relaxed?