Turn around Bright Eyes

every now and then i fall apart

17th september - that caroline

i first "heard" about caroline calloway when AB chao mentioned it on her instagram. she was talking about sneakers. i thought it was a collab, this caroline person x a sneakers brand. i made a mental note to look it up, then never did.

then nate messaged me to read about caroline, so i did, and then my mind was blown.

i spent two nights reading about her and getting up to speed. including poring over her instagram posts.

this girl is clearly insane as in, she needs a mental health check. she also reminded me a LOT of alina gonzalez, who last i checked, is still batshit crazy. i have not yet checked if she had any comments about caroline calloway.

it also jolted me that AB made a comment about her own design camp in reference to CC's botched creative workshop... which got plenty of side-eyes when it happened during her time. obviously, she was oblivious to the fact(or not acknowledging) that people, too, called her out for it. i felt that with that, internet came full circle. i have lived long enough to witness these things. i felt like that old woman who one time possessed phoebe until she has seen everything.

like everyone who learned about caroline calloway, i have a lot of thoughts about caroline calloway. theories, assumptions, wondering, predictions.. but those things are all none of my business.

but it got me thinking about my own relationship with instragram. what do i really want to achieve with it? when i post pictures, what are my intentions? and when i write captions of course i wanted it to be great and witty. why?

like cc, whose thinking goes along the lines of, "people seem to like what i write. and that is great! because i want to write! therefore, i am a writer." i am the same. she mentioned getting a rush when she "published" a caption that she wrote all on her own. i get that too. i adore my own writings. and to some extent, when what i wrote was particularly good in my opinion, i wondered why people are not commenting on it or telling me that i am a genius.

so the thing about caroline calloway is... i see echoes of her in me as well. and that: is truly chilling.